DESCRIPTION: Aisling, 28, who preferred not to be pictured, regretted every second of her one-night stand, saying she felt "used and cheated". When seen in the cold light of the morning after the night before, what had seemed like a rather thrilling idea at the time suddenly felt anything but for year-old PR executive Aisling. At the party where Casual Sex On A Winter Night met, the prospect of a no-strings, one-night stand with a handsome young man had felt sexy, slightly dangerous, liberating and a salve to the ego following the end of a four-year relationship.Alexandros: Damn they are so boring and weird. I ask people what do they and what do they study when meeting them for the first time I meet em.
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Aisling, 28, who preferred not to be pictured, regretted every second of her one-night stand, saying she Casual Sex On A Winter Night "used and cheated". When seen in the cold light of the morning after the night before, what had seemed like a rather thrilling idea at the time suddenly felt anything but for year-old PR executive Aisling. At the party where they'd met, the prospect of a no-strings, one-night stand with a handsome young man had felt sexy, slightly dangerous, liberating and a salve to the ego following the end of a four-year relationship.
Only when Aisling woke up, she didn't feel liberated. As her conquest departed with barely a backward glance, she felt used and cheated, even though she'd been under no illusion that it might lead to anything more. She worried about what the man really thought of her as a person, what friends would say if they found out, why her one-night stand had been so eager to depart without asking for a phone number.
We ended up having sex, and in the morning I was mortified. Aisling, who asked that her surname be kept private, had her first taste of the single life aged 22, having broken up with her boyfriend of four years.
They'd say whatever it took to get me into bed and then drop me. It all felt rather unpleasant and I started to realise I didn't want to sleep with men I didn't feel a connection with. I wanted to have more
Casual Sex On A Winter Night says Aisling, who was always meticulous about practising safe sex. One night stands left me feeling utterly deflated and worthless and when I found myself single again in June last year, I decided to wait for Mr Right before I had sex again.
In today's heavy-drinking ladette, anything-he-can-do-I-can-do-better culture, the prevailing belief appears to be that what's good for the gander is good for the goose, too, to speak.
According to new research published last week by Anne Campbell, Professor of Psychology at Durham University, the answer appears to be a surprising no. Indeed, her findings suggest that the majority of women aren't suited to one-night stands at all, no matter Casual Sex On A Winter Night much they try to persuade themselves otherwise.
Analysing the responses of 1, men and women who responded anonymously to an online survey - admitting to one-night stands - she found that 58 per cent of women, compared with only 23 per cent of men, regretted their fleeting, casual encounters with the opposite sex. We can't have casual sex in the same way men can'. They spoke of feeling 'used' and 'cheated' and of having let themselves down - even when they had no desire for the one-night stand to lead to a more permanent relationship.
Many spoke of their distress at their partner's 'disrespectful' and 'dismissive' behaviour the morning after, which felt to them like a cruel rejection after the intimacies of the night before.
Didn't work though - I felt cheap and dirty after. Contrast these comments with some of the men's: The message from society for the past 30 years is that if men can have it then we can have it, too. There has been a wholesale rejection of double standards and the message to young women has been, 'if they do it, why shouldn't we?
There is an experimental element in which they tell themselves: And I'm sure
Casual Sex On A Winter Night plays some part in it all, adding a dynamic of its own. In short, men really aren't very choosy at all about whom they have one-night stands with, so spending the night with you is not necessarily a sign that he finds you especially attractive at all. Twenty-four-year-old Laura, a single account manager from South London, believes the research confirms everything she has begun to suspect.
She has had two one-night stands - one with a good male friend from university - and a drunken one with a good-looking stranger she met in a college nightclub in Exeter, where she was studying English Literature - an encounter she describes now as 'meaningless'.
She is now looking for a more settled relationship and has shunned casual encounters. I am beginning to think that it doesn't. He stayed in my flat, we had a few drinks and one thing led to Casual Sex On A Winter Night and we ended up in bed. I didn't feel used, but I was so worried it would affect our friendship.
I was lucky in that I could trust my friend not to hurt me, but if he had been a stranger I could have been easily hurt. According to Professor Campbell's research, it seems that, regardless of today's relaxed social mores, men really are biologically programmed to sow their wild oats before settling down, while women's interests are best served by attracting a high-status, longterm partner who will stick around to help bring up the children.
Therefore in a 'pair-bonded' society, a woman who shuns casual sex and appears the faithful type increases Casual Sex On A Winter Night attractiveness, or 'mate value', as a long-term partner and potential mother to a man's children. From the woman's point of view, says Professor Campbell, unlike males, who are
Casual Sex On A Winter Night from choosy, females are subconsciously drawn to the 'Brad Pitts' of this world for their one-night stands.
If, however, in the sober light of day, last night's 'Brad Pitt' in fact looks more like Mr Bean, then a woman's self-respect plummets. As for actually marrying the 'Brad Pitts' of this world, a promiscuous woman jeopardises her chances of attracting a high-status long-term partner by giving away her assets too cheaply.
It would appear that liberated women are very much aware that by indulging in stands they are lowering their 'market price' in the economics of sexual exchange, and, at the very least, expect a degree of appreciation from a man after a one-night stand which is often not forthcoming.
Erin Woodward, 27, has never had a one-night stand and never would, saying they are "destructive to happiness". Twenty-seven-year-old Erin Woodward, from London, who works in PR, says she has never had a one-night stand and never would. In terms of 'mate value' she rates highly Casual Sex On A Winter Night indeed, it is no surprise to find that her boyfriend of two years is a lawyer.
What do you gain from that as a woman? Sex is such an intimate encounter, and you are prepared to give everything of yourself to a stranger? It must be so embarrassing the next morning.
Women are different from men - to me, sex means emotional involvement, that is the way we are programmed. Communications executive Lisa Ventham, 33, from South London has just come out of a seven-year relationship and has been shocked to find how much women's attitudes towards sex have changed in that time. It was meaningless and I don't think I gained anything from
Casual Sex On A Winter Night says Lisa, 'but I've been fascinated to see just how promiscuous women have become.
It seems to be the norm to meet a guy in a club, have a couple of drinks, then go off and have sex. Megan Roberts, 23, thinks one-night stands are 'cool'. Megan Roberts, a year-old marketing manager from Nottingham, who holds a first class honours degree in English Literature, believes there's nothing wrong with one-night stands.
Currently in a long-term relationship, she says she would happily go back to casual sex if she were single. Some have worked out well, others have been a disaster, but overall I think they are cool. Sex can just be sex - who cares? Women have complete equality. I am free-spirited and follow my heart.
The only person I should answer to is myself. Liberated or depressingly naive? According to recent polls, 53 per cent of Britons indulge in one-night stands and in one survey 75 per cent of people said it was acceptable to sleep with a partner on the first date.
However, another survey two years ago by psychologists at Sheffield University found that 90 per cent of respondents said one-night stands were immoral. But if so many women find casual sex disappointing, downright depressing and Casual Sex On A Winter Night to their self-esteem, why do they continue to do it?
Women may indeed be biologically programmed to go in search of their very own 'Brad Pitt' - and may even make a quick conquest. No comments have so far been submitted. Why not be the first to send us your thoughts, or debate this issue live on our message boards.
Casual sex left me feeling worthless: How a one-night stand left one woman emotionally destroyed New research says women bitterly regret one-night stands. But the emotional damage can go deeper than you think I actually think that sleeping with lots of Mr Wrongs puts up a barrier to finding Mr Right.
Men aren't choosy when it comes to short encounters - spending the night with you doesn't mean he finds you attractive at all. Men can separate their feelings and just have sex, whereas connect on a much deeper level. When last night's 'Brad Pitt' looks more like Mr Bean, a woman's self-respect plummets. My generation of smart, university-educated women believe we can treat sex the same as men - purely casually.
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