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Why Having An Affair Is Good For Your Marriage

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DESCRIPTION: Some time ago I described six different kinds of affairs people have today, and mentioned that an affair could be psychologically healthy. Many readers have asked me to explain that more, so I'm doing that here.

Moijejoue B.: The bumbling Catarella.

Karlichou666: I was so uncomfortable after watching this

Lady Von Wake: Katya Kalashnikova is the most beautiful women to come out of Russia

Tweetie Pie: Pierogis? Giiiiiiirllllllllll. I'm so disappointed with 'polish'

Mw. Eddy: You should do dating a Puerto Rican woman

Bella Panelli: So, thechnically. chinese women are vampires.

Dhb626yt: I ragazzi che si amano non ci sono per nessuno

Wisam AC: In Canada(at least where I live cheating is looked down upon but it is okay to have many sexual partners at a time. You are however expected to be open about what your intentions are with the other person.

Soiamafour: Russian women know more about hockey than a american male.

Jiminblank: Shes got a schnozzle but as hot as balls lol

ROGUE X94: I am Estonian and when he started singing I cringed so badly NO OFFENCE PLEASE

Ally Wilkie: You know you are dating a german woman when she refers to all black people as niggers

Jason Moretti: You know you are dating an Irish woman when;

Stina Wilson: Thats not being sensitive about food, who would serve bread slices to anyone I laughed and cringed so hard

Aquinaton: Totally far from the reality! :P

Richard K: Oh, so, our portuguese is sexier? I like it.

Jjhhkkful: Sometimes when I'm down and people ask me if I'm fine I say Leave me alone. When they insist I start talking to them, when they leave I just think to myself uugh stay here, dumbass

Garasamar B: DON'T YOU REALIZE THAT THIS VIDEO IS OFFENSIVE? Take it down.

Liz Acosta: The woman at the end from France had the sexiest accent. It was hot, got me all hot and sweaty.

Jose Juarez: Be careful with hot Colombian girls they take your hart.

MrJennrrr: I just curious about this want to see women's comment; how about is to date with a turkish man?

Good Richie: As a French woman I have to admit that I don't regularly shave, but that's not a matter of nationality but rather of personal choice. I do shave my armpits though so as to prevent bad smell, but I feel more confident and feminine when my private parts are hairy. This is the way I feel good and feminine, but it depends on one's personal preference.

Mido Mansour: Now I remember why I stopped watching your videos, all these people seem horrible. Honestly according to your vids the world is full of lunatics and unpleasant people.

Charl Ie: But would boys like them? No way.



The recipe for happiness? An enduring marriage and an affair with lots of sex - Telegraph

20 Aug The time has come, alongside the technology, to redraw the rules of marriage for the 21st century. If the internet offers a direct line to affairs, with a proliferation of websites for adults seeking a sexual partner outside of their marriage, it is worth But sex is no more a moral issue than eating a good meal. 14 Jun While recovering from cheating can cause depression, anxiety, and overall self- esteem issues, there are some upsides to having a cheating spouse that can affect your relationship in a good way. Whether it's finally coming to terms with your issues or adding new energy to your sex life, here's why cheating. 20 May But in my marriage, having affairs works. My husband and I don't talk about it. But I'm certain our don't-ask-don't-tell rule is what has allowed our marriage to last as long as it has. Redbook: The Biggest Complaints from Unhappy Husbands. Notice that I didn't say we're in an open marriage -- we're not.

Loneliness is a complex problem of epidemic proportions, affecting millions from all walks of life. Verified by Psychology Today.

With Tiger Woods back in the game after his Why Having An Affair Is Good For Your Marriage decisions" admission on ESPNI couldn't help but recall George not his real nameWhy Having An Affair Is Good For Your Marriage had consulted me about how to deal with his new affair. Visions of Woods, Jessie JamesMark SanfordJohn Edwards and others came Why Having An Affair Is Good For Your Marriage mind -- along with the similar stories of countless patients over the years.

George began by telling me that "She was standing off by herself during a conference break, leaning against a wall, sipping coffee. Suddenly we found ourselves Why Having An Affair Is Good For Your Marriage, feeling like we had known each other for years. That's an explanation I've heard many times.

Another one sounding a bit more "strategic" came from Jan, a 41 year-old lawyer. She told me that her affair was a " marriage stabilizer Of course the public always enjoys being titillated with stories of public figures' affairs, especially when hypocrisy is exposed.

But cultural attitudes have clearly shifted to-wards acceptance of affairs. They're seen as a life-style choice; an option for men and women yearning for excitement or intimacy that's lacking or has dulled during their marriage.

Given that new reality, I put together what I've learned about psychology of affairs -- their meaning and their consequences for people in our current culture. Based on my work over the decades, I find six kinds of affairs that people have today. People make their choices, but I think a non-judgmental description of these six kinds of affairs but with a tinge of humor can help people deal with them with greater awareness and responsibility.

Here are the six I've diagnosed:. The most common, it's mostly about sex. It can feel really intense, but it's also the quickest to flame out. John and Kim met through work, and felt a strong physical attraction.

John was separated; Kim, married. They felt powerless to resist the pull. We ended up in bed, as well as a lot of other places! It was wonderful," John added, with a big Why Having An Affair Is Good For Your Marriage. The liberating and compelling feeling from this kind of affair, though, can mask hidden emotional conflicts.

An example is the person who's able to feel sexually alive and free only in a secret rela-tionship, hidden from the imagined hovering, inhibiting eye of one's parent -- which the person may experience unconsciously with his or her spouse.

The lust affair is often short-lived, and passion can slide downhill pretty fast as the excitement declines or un-derground emotional issues surface again. It can also fade if the lovers discover that there wasn't much connecting them beyond sex. As John later told me, "As great as the sex was, we didn't really have much to say to each other. Eventually, that became a turn-off. Rachel began realizing the depth of her anger and resentment towards her husband after years of an unhappy marriage.

She had long felt unaffirmed, ignored, and disregarded by him. His adamant refusal to go to couples therapy pushed her into acting upon her anger. Rachel told me that a previous therapy had helped her recognize her collusion in becoming so subordinate in the marriage. But she couldn't create a solution, nor figure out how to deal with her desire for revenge. She knew that "getting back" at her husband wasn't going to produce empowerment or healing, but nevertheless began a disastrous affair.

She subsequently discovered that the man was only interested in a narcissistic conquest, and he quickly dumped her. Eventually, she realized that beneath her anger was a desire for a man who would really recognize her, who could "see" her, as her father never did. But before that awakening occurred, she suffered, and she still had to deal with the reality of her marriage and how to heal her own trauma.

Can you call it an affair if the "lovers" don't have sex? Consider Paul and Linda. They became very close working together on a volunteer project. Paul was married, and Linda was divorced but living with a boyfriend. They found they had much in common -- a similar outlook on life and a spiritual compatibility as well.

They enjoyed talking and looking forward to time together. They spoke on the phone frequently and lingered around afterward working on the project. Soon they realized that a very intimate and emotionally close bond had developed. It definitely felt like much more than just a friendship.

So why didn't they have sex? Linda, who was my patient, said that neither of them wanted to disrupt or leave their primary relationship, or "mess it up. That level of intimacy and intensity makes it an affair of the mind, if not the body; it's more than just a friendship.

I find that people in this kind of affair find something in each other that's lacking in their "real" relationship, and they're not dealing with Why Having An Affair Is Good For Your Marriage. Aside from the challenge of remaining on the chaste side of the sexual borderline, such "lovers" must hope that their primary partners continue to believe they're telling the truth.

And there's a risk that what they're not finding in their primary relationship will become increasingly disruptive to it. Bill thought this was fail-safe, because no one would suspect. He and Why Having An Affair Is Good For Your Marriage wife's sister finally had sex after years of mutual, erotic teasing.

Suddenly they were in the midst of an affair that neither wanted to end. They thought they could keep it secret; that neither would make any demands on the other and it would be perfectly safe.

If you think that was naive, it was. Most "family" affairs are interwoven with family dysfunctions and buried resentments. Neither Bill nor Tina, his sister-in-law, looked seriously at the issues in their respective marriages or inter-locked families; or even how dangerous it was.

One of their spouses eventually discovered the incriminating e-mails, and the family affair quickly turned into a family nightmare.

We humans are experts at creating illusions for ourselves. In this affair one party is available but the Why Having An Affair Is Good For Your Marriage isn't.

The available partner believes that the other Why Having An Affair Is Good For Your Marriage will leave his or her spouse, given enough time and patience. Jane, divorced for several years, began seeing a married man. She told me ve-hemently, "It's not an affair! I've seen many women and women over the years though it's usually women caught in this trap who truly believe their lovers will leave their spouses.

Ninety percent of the time it never happens. Jane eventually realized that her lover never had any intention of leaving. In fact, he had had multiple affairs throughout his marriage. Here's the most dangerous one of all for the lovers' existing relationships. It's so powerful because it feels so complete -- emotionally, sexually, intellectually, spiritually.

Matt and Ellen, who consulted me as Why Having An Affair Is Good For Your Marriage couple, met through a parents ' function at their children's school. Right away, they felt a strong, mutual con-nection. The "mind-body" affair is highly threatening to a marriage because it feels so "right.

Of all the different affairs, I've found that this kind most frequently leads to divorce and remarriage. The upside is that the new relationship often proves to be the right match for the couple. Nevertheless, it generates all Why Having An Affair Is Good For Your Marriage mixed consequences that all affairs produce, especially when children are involved. Learning From Affairs You might assume that you can isolate your affair from the rest of your life.

Or, you might not give much thought to its consequences. If you're considering an affair or are in the midst of one, I suggest you consider the following:. An affair can help leverage you out of a de-structive or deadened relationship that's beyond the point of renewal. The positive feelings of affirmation and restored vitality generated by an affair can activate the courage to leave a marriage when doing so is healthiest decision for both yourself and your partner.

I've seen both men and women become psychologically healthier through an affair. It springboarded them into greater emotional honesty and mature action. Of course, you have to be honest with yourself, here, and not rationalize yourself into hav-ing the affair while postponing necessary action.

An affair can spur you to confront what you really want from your existing partner and motivate you to try creating it. Larry, a journalist, had an affair for nearly four years. After an argument with his lover one day, he realized he was beginning to feel much of the same irritation and sexual boredom that he felt towards his wife. He saw that he wanted to experience what he did during the affair Larry began to confront, with his wife's participation, the real problems in their relationship and the steps it would take to rebuild it.

It's far better to face and resolve that first. You don't just "find" yourself having an affair, or "end up" in bed with someone. It's your choice, but it can be beautifully rationalized. So take a look at what's missing or unfulfilling in your relationship, why that is, and whether you can -- or even want to -- do something about it. It's preferable to try renewing your relationship, or end it with mutual respect.

By acknowledging that an affair means you're living a lie in some form, you have a greater chance to deal with the emotional and practical consequences of the affair in a healthier way. And there are plenty of consequences -- for yourself, your children, your existing relationship. But if you fool yourself about the reasons for your affair and what it may set in motion, you can squander irreplaceable years, trapped within illusions and rationalizations.

  • Could adultery save your marriage?
  • 14 Jun While recovering from cheating can cause depression, anxiety, and overall self- esteem issues, there are some upsides to having a cheating spouse that can affect your relationship in a good way. Whether it's finally coming to terms with your issues or adding new energy to your sex life, here's why cheating.
  • 7 Jun A controversial self-help book for married philanderers claims most adulterers are good, kind people. It says affairs can help a marriage and that those who stray should never admit it because the truth can cause even more damage. ' Cheating on your spouse isn't a moral act, but most men and woman who.

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A controversial self-help book for connubial philanderers claims most adulterers are good, kind people. It says affairs can help a wedding and that those who go off on should never admit it as the truth can cause steady more damage.

We all assent to that infidelity is a fault. But once you've crossed the line, what then? Kirshenbaum has been criticised by her peers for saying cheats deserve approval and understanding. A good head who is unsatisfied in their relationship ends it before first a new one. Kirshenbaum, objective director of the Chestnut Tor Institute, a centre for link therapy and research in Boston, Massachusetts, admits that infidelity is a controversial topic to apply oneself to sympathetically.

Why adultery can help save a marriage

Not so fast, says Michael J. Formica , a Psychology Today blogger. In a post on the "Enlightened Living" blog, Formica makes the case that thinking about cheating — and even stepping out on your sweetie — can potentially help your relationship. If you're having an affair you're probably doing it because you're missing something in your primary relationship.

If you analyze the affair you might be able to see what it is that's lacking and address that problem. People tend to get into the same kind of relationship over and over again, but affairs are different. According to Formica they often are "a more authentic barometer for what we actually need in our relationships.

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Popular questions from our blog readers:

  1. Is she becoming attatched more?

  2. Did i overreact or am I justified?

  3. How is a cold approach actually supposed to work?

  4. Have you ever dumped your bf/gf for someone else?

Is it too soon for flowers? 20 May But in my marriage, having affairs works. My husband and I don't talk about it. But I'm certain our don't-ask-don't-tell rule is what has allowed our marriage to last as long as it has. Redbook: The Biggest Complaints from Unhappy Husbands. Notice that I didn't say we're in an open marriage -- we're not. 14 Jun While recovering from cheating can cause depression, anxiety, and overall self- esteem issues, there are some upsides to having a cheating spouse that can affect your relationship in a good way. Whether it's finally coming to terms with your issues or adding new energy to your sex life, here's why cheating..

☰ Comments

#1 Malami:
Thanks for post. Is there really only one single place to find ethical porn. isn't your site, well pornographic also. turned off. Maybe the subject changed and your format did not change? Just sayin'.

#2 Sagis:
I'm glad I'm not a woman

#3 Zulkill:
I'm about to use the information that I learned in this video to help me write a short paper on why people are protective of those in their social groups in circumstances where they would be much less kind if the transgressor were a stranger. Hope it goes well. :P

#4 Guzilkree:
I wouldn't know myself, but I have heard from a lot of people that scissoring is only a reality in lesbian porn (aimed at straight men). While there are undoubtedly people who actually do enjoy it (otherwise why would it even be a thing? I've heard that most lesbians don't. Could you bust some of the myth surrounding this and tell us a bit about what lesbian sex is more often like?